I spent years stuck in a loop I could not escape

Years of therapy. Years of attempting to journal. Years of trying to think my way out of patterns my body would not let go of.

I would make progress—real progress—and then something would trigger me, and I would revert right back to the same old habits.

The same reactions: I am not enough.

The same exhaustion: I am never going to succeed at my business.

The same trapped feeling: Nobody cares what I do.

I am a survivor of divorce, narcissistic relationships, and abuse. And while I had done the mental work, my nervous system had’t gotten the memo. My body was still running old survival programs—namely the Enduring personality pattern (Steven Kessler). Still bracing. Still waiting for the next threat I needed to endure—and then put myself in the background while I fixed everyone else’s problems.

That is the thing nobody tells you about chronic stress and emotional shutdown: your mind can heal while your body stays stuck.

Think about that. One body, two very different systems.

The Shutdown Trap

Here is what really broke me: I endured it all—and I became the fixer for everyone else.

Literally in 2025, it felt like life stacked crisis on top of crisis.

• My dad got sick and was hospitalized. Two months later, he passed away after battling brain trauma and dementia for 5 years.
• My husband faced a mystery illness that consumed a year of uncertainty and filled us with stress, alongside my dad’s death.
• My beloved dog Ziggy was diagnosed with cancer—and I held space for his dying. I also quite literally held him as he passed away in my arms.
• My dog Milo had to have three emergency procedures while I was on a cruise—and my ex-husband ended up having to sit with him for 8 hours at the emergency vet.
• My 18-year-old daughter moved across the country.
• My son was navigating autism and living alone for the first time.
• Family trauma kept surfacing.

And through it all, I was the one holding it together—or so I thought.

I felt guilty if I did not get everything done. Guilty if I was not available. Guilty if I took time for myself. So when I did, it was laced with the shame of feeling lazy.

I poured everything into everyone else’s crises, their healing, their needs. And somewhere in that process, I stopped caring about the things that made me happy. The things I loved just… did not matter anymore. I could not muster the energy or the interest.

I truly felt like I did not know which direction my life was headed.

My own photography businesses stalled out. I could not take action for myself. I could not believe in myself or feel worthy of my own effort. The energy just was’t there.

And mixed with perimenopause and hormonal shifts, my body felt like it was working against me too. (That is another subject altogether.)

I looked fine on the outside. I functioned. I showed up for everyone. But inside? I was running on fumes. I stopped cooking and we got food out practically every night.

And the worst part? I thought something was wrong with me—that I just needed to change my mindset. If I could just think differently, believe differently, be different, I would finally get unstuck and care again. Meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking would be fun again.

But willpower and mindset can’t rewire a nervous system that has learned to endure everything—and abandon itself in service of others.

What I Discovered (And What Changed Everything)

Then I discovered somatic coaching—and specifically, work with the nervous system itself.

I had done some mindset work in California, which gave me hope of change—but I needed more.

I enrolled in Anat Peri’s Training Camp for the Soul, and I am now close to being certified.

Somatic work is not talk therapy (which is also wonderful and definitely needed in life—re: thinking through problems with your rational brain). It is actual “going into my body” work that helped my physical self recognize safety again—and helped me remember that I was worthy of that safety too.

For the first time, I was not trying to think my way out. I was feeling my way through.

My nervous system learned—in real time, in my body—that it did not have to stay braced. That I could take care of myself without guilt. That my needs mattered. That I was enough.

Hear that. Notice that.

I am enough.

I started to notice shifts:

• Energy returning when I thought it was gone for good
• Belief in myself that felt grounded, not forced
• Ability to take action on my own goals without the paralyzing guilt or shame
• Relationships where I could actually be present and take care of myself
• Joy and interest in the things I love coming back naturally

It was not about forcing change or pushing through. It was about working with my nervous system’s wisdom instead of against it—and learning that taking care of myself was not selfish.

It is absolutely necessary.

If This Resonates With You

If you are reading this and something in your chest just tightened—or your belly just jolted—and you recognize yourself as the one who holds it all together, who feels guilty for having needs, who has lost momentum in your own life while caring for everyone else’s—I want you to know: you are not broken.

Your nervous system is just doing what it learned to do.

And it can show up in different ways: - Needing to leave the situation - Needing someone to rescue you - Wanting to fight to survive - Doing things exactly right so it is impossible to do something wrong.

The beautiful part? Your nervous system can learn something new.

That is what I do now at Safe Haven Somatics. I work with adults who are tired of being stuck—who have poured everything into everyone else and lost themselves in the process. We work together to help your nervous system recognize that you are worthy of care too, so you can finally move forward. Through gentle, embodied work—nervous system regulation, somatic breathwork, inner-child support, and personality pattern work—we help you step out of survival mode and into a steadier, more grounded version of yourself.

Not through force. Through your body’s own wisdom.

What is Next?

If you are curious about whether somatic coaching might be the missing piece for you, I would love to talk.

I offer a free 10-minute discovery call—no pressure, just clarity. We will explore what has been stuck, what you have already tried, and whether this feels like the right fit for you.

Because you do not have to stay in that loop. Your nervous system is ready to learn something new.

And you are worthy of that care.

Ready to explore? Reach out. Let us talk about what is possible.

XO,

Meredith

Safe Haven Somatics offers 1:1 somatic coaching for adults 18+ in Maitland, FL (in-person) and worldwide via Zoom. Our 8-week program is designed to help you rebuild inner safety, regulate your nervous system, and step into steadier, more grounded living.